Not often can we get into the mind of a person accused of a crime, currently Ben Fawley has been arrested for 16 counts of child pornography in Richmond, and was one of the last known persons to see the missing Taylor Behl. He has been described as a photographer, artist, fervent liscence collector, a bi-polar personality, and a 38 year interested in women half his age. Some under the age of 18.
Well, Fawley did keep a public journal
I have culled some of his entries so we can see who Fawley was from his own words. Most of these entries are long before the disappearance of Taylor Behl, some contain profanities, misspellings, and bad grammar. But, they all give us a window into his mind. He was a person who dwelled on skulls, women, and who was not unfamiliar with being incarcerated in jail. Now the entries a broken mosaic:
Gee, me a skulls, what's the deal? ...I guess every red-neck with a deer skull is a closet killer? They play with guns, kill things for sport, and have skulls around
What do you do when you have found out you did your best not to, but find you did hurt someone you care about? I didn't see untill it was too late and now the problem is how do I fix this? I can't fix it, there is nothing I can do or say. Anything I do say will only make it worse. I am sorry.
:: Did you ever have that moment of thought where everything that was on your mind came together and you were able to understand it all for that one single split second? ……Well I had this moment where I got a glimpse at the answers. It like you are so use to losing you do something to your self to make sure you lose. You are so uses to not getting it you give up before you get there. And that someone has been telling you time and time again but you just didn’t hear her. I had a moment today, just now past, and I owe a lot of people an apology. I see something, it was right there and one was telling me but I just wasn’t getting it. I think I have it and the person I need so badly to tell isn’t here to tell.
I quit the race and shot my self in the foot this past weekend only to go back to the shop and burn it down with me inside and blocked the exit when I dumped the gas on the floor. My dumb-butt did something very stupid, yet the one person who should hate me the most for it doesn’t. I was so stupid, and it was right there in front of me to see, but I was pissing it away as I was so use to falling flat on my face I went and tripped myself this time. I hope I remember this when I have the chance to tell the person I need to tell. I hope it helps, but as I have noted, once a stupid act is done there is no un-doing said act. So for those who know, I am sorry. All I ac say is I just don’t get why the person who should be the maddest at me isn’t. I will not question this, I will just say that for the first time I did everything wrong, yet something seems to be working out. Not saying I am out of the woods yet. I do think some will be close behind with a foot ready to plant up my ass if I screw up. ::
:: I have had the idea for sometime now but just haven't had the motivation to get to it. The idea is not simple for a beginner but I made one corset already, so now I will make yet another but this time I am making one on my own. I have in mind what I want it to look like. This corset will be for show and not for one trying to make themselves look thinner.I have the idea what I want it to look like but do I lack the skill to make it work is the question. The first corset worked out well in the end. I had one or two areas that I could have done better with. This corset will not be three layers as the first since it will be just for show. I think I can make this idea work and I have an idea that I can mix this project with another in the end. I have the fabric to make another two corsets as is, all I need is the parts and I have some already. ::
:: I have a pile of very spenddy comic books here I now have to read. When some people come into your life thay don't change you but add to who you are because of them. I am not changing, just adding to who I am as I page through the books with great care and wonder what screw was lose in her head to trust me with well over $100.00 worth of comic books? ....gee, I thought she was a smart one till now. :-pSo on the list to read?~ Tank Girl ~ I know as I have the movie, ok, not the comic that I how hold, but as close as I get. :-p~ Death ~ Two here that I think I have the title right, she will kick my butt if I don't. :-p~ The Sandman Preludes Nocturnes ~
****there are two others but my 'bondage bed' is about to see some use as a photo location for another photographer. So I need to clear out the BMX bike, me and other stuff. (EDIT~~ Yea, bondage superheros in my bed :-p ~~ Total hot superbabe action here at the M Street Studio)
:: Out to eat something new, why is Mexican food "new" to me one might ask? ....yea, my real father was "Mexican" but I didn't know him, I am a picky eater, and I am not the best at trying new things. I have had a lot on my mind this month as I have taken a look at things and I am not looking to change who I am, but I could use a tune-up, some adjustments, and an upgrade to Skulz 8.0 now that I am about to be 38.
Change is hard, it can be a scary thing to do as you are going from something you know into something unfamiliar. I don’t fear much as I have been to hell in back in my sorted life. One who knows me pointed out once that there are not many who could have lived my life, done what I have, and gone through what I have and still be standing, let alone taking a chance on some of the things I do. I am me, this is who I am and the people who know me are ok with that. I seem to bother others as they just don’t get it and they could never get through or past the things I have done. I am not finished yet as I am working on something that will take me down another road of chance where the outcome is unknown and uncertain. ::
:: oops I did it again....... I had the stuff here as someone got it for me so I used it. The hair was looking bad and I was thinking of just letting it go black again but I just said what the fuck. So the mop is copper blond again, and I think I will get it cut and use the last of the blue again in a bit. Yea, some won't like it but there is a "why" to all of this, I just cannot post that here. I also took some photos of my ugly mug, almost broke the camera in doing it. I want to take more photos but everyone who said they would has wussed out in one way or another. ::
:: The key is the wireless card built into my laptop and the media-card reader I have. I don't like the laptop much as it is a sux ass Dell but it wasn't the cheap Dell crap. There was a model above, the XPS I was looking at, but I felt just a waste of cash on a Dell. The key is to having the Wireless network in the house. I can move all about and get my shit done now. I have the key and use it on the road as well, both trips to Philly and even in DC the wireless laptop has been handy. I just need to fix it so when this one someone is here visiting, they can get on to the network. I have the sucker password protected, the key just didn't work for one, I have no clue why. ::
I need someone who would like to play Goth/fetish dress up for some photos for use on the web page, nothing “bad”, just fun. The photos will be taken outside @ Hollywood as sort of a silly Goth set. I want to do something in a “Goth dress”, “pointed boots" with no platforms if you have them. The idea is to look sorta “80’s Goth”, the flowing long black dress and that stuff. Then the Goth/fetish look that is more “today” with the same person in the same spots, as I would be making some animated gif images from some of the photos. I have no cash, but you can have all of the photos I take. :-p> I just want to play with the camera at two (or three) locations (abandoned buildings) I go to. All of the locations are “safe” but yes, they are abandoned buildings just the same. I want a model to be in the foreground as I think it would be a great set. Both locations are a bit off the track but will have to be done in the day for safety. I need to do this before it gets too warm and the bees come out, I am allergic to bees and that is a nuff said about that. Here again it’s just for fun so I can work some with a model and the camera and get some more photos. If you are willing I will not just give you photos, but if you have a place you want photos in I will do that as well for you. Here it’s dress as you like, but remember it’s an abandoned building set.
:: Yes, changing the title of my journal was due the stupid people. As they "hate" me so much they visit my journal and web page more then others I know. I must be doing something right to have shit-heads and ass-holes like them spend years milling over how much they dislike me. I will waste this note, but that is all the time I will give to shit like that. Yea, so they are silly enough to say what they did. But the subject in question looks to me like insurance fraud. The only thing I could think that would make them say I had anything to do with it is they are just that stupid, or they are in on the fraud and they did it. ::
:: Yep, and even got some carpet for the place, and a "new" washer. I will not post photos of some things, evidance problems and all ya know.........crime does pay. Someone will burn for this, burn baby, burn. ::
:: "M" Street Studio & some of the people there....... ::
.....Burn baby burn.....we is gonna burn the sucker to the ground ya dirty booger eater !
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The Scent of Hope in The Behl Investigation
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