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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Singles Night at Roanoke's Walmart: Wait a Moment

Roanoke was about to make national history, by following Germany's example of having a singles night. Customers could come buy some tooth paste, get some breath mints, and look down the aisle to see what else they could pick up. Perhaps a saucy blonde with a red ribbon strapped to her cart. The huge discount chain was about to, and even started, a new line of customer perks for the cost aware customer, discounted singles pickups.

The corporate big wigs in Walmart got wind of this local enterprise. Perhaps when surfing channels on TV, and hearing a Jay Leno one liner about Roanoke's trip to the far side of shopping.

Suddenly, the shopping carts came to a squeaky stop in Roanoke. The corporate big wigs laid down the law.

"What the heck are you doing Roanoke, we don't want our shoppers to be distracted from the cheapest Chinese goods we have found. This red ribbon pickup thing is going to stop. They may do this in Germany, but here in America we just can't have toothpaste, mints, and saucy blondes, going in the trunks of our customer's cars."

We have heard there was a sigh of relief from Virginia's Department of Transportation. It is rumored that in an emergency meeting, they had considered making 460 an eight lane road from Lynchburg to Roanoke.

Unconfirmed reports were also heard outside Lynchburg's City Hall, about how the effects on the tax on mints and toothpaste, would ruin the tax base in Lynchburg. However, local gas stations were pleased when fueling up some local politician's cars. Again, unconfirmed reports revealed that the word was, they were going to Roanoke to check the price of mints.

Some say there was a twinkle in their eyes, as if they were thinking of sugar plums and all other things that are nice, perhaps even saucy blondes.


(Satire, and other things for your amusement)

3 Comments:

At 6:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mama is so sad. She got dressed up in her best kmart digs to meet the man of her life at walmart. and all she got was her head acke medicine.

 
At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Son, would you please stop picking on me.... I'll just have to revert back to pen-paling my inmate boyfrien.ds

 
At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Miss Understood said...

Hi all you guys I will be at Wallmart, look for the red ribbon in my hair. I will have my calender with me to pencil you in for a date

 

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